this was my frame of mind Sat:

Tear drops fall
from my eyes,
like blood dripping
from a wound --
a gash
slashing my soul
assunder,
when the abyss
beckons to you,
you might as well
sucumb,
fall into its embrace,
for resistance is futile
like a rape,
struggle is ineffectual
you might as well
accept it,
play dead
while it's happening,
and pray
you awake.

***

My world
is rendered DARK
and inaccessible
once again,
The abyss has returned
in this
torturous cycle --
even though
you know
it's coming,
never prepares you
for it's inpenetrable
darkness and despair,
Once again
in its deathlike
vicelike embrace --
The only solace
is to try
and drown
the pain,
Numb the grief
and hope
you will emerge
once again
sane.

***

Surrounded
by blackness,
deep, dark, despair --
questioning,
suffering,
anguish and sorrow,
will i make it
till tomorrow?
Alone, struggling,
reaching out
no one's there --
phone line's quiet,
bed's empty,
threshold is bare --
Curled in the fetal
position,
awaiting relief
that is not there.

***

The world
goes on,
no body cares --
suffering
in silence,
holding on,
praying
for relief,
that's nowhere
in sight --
just ride
this demon
and hold on
tight --
Ride it
to the finish
if you dare,
But the race
isn't over,
far from it --
Do you have
the endurance?
Can you handle it?
Can you make it?
One more time?
Helpless victim
to the ravishes
of its depair.
Please release me,
let me go,
let me be,
leave me
alone --
Don't destroy
me,
with your
bleak darkness
and hopeless despair.